As you can see a couple of weeks have gone by since that first blog but that is just because I have been so busy trying to redefine my life as it is coming to be. Simply getting my head around the idea that I had the same cancer that killed Farrah Fawcett was a lot to take in, but let me tell you of all the other things that have been keeping me busy.
I went in to that CT/PET scan and while laying there on that bed, my tailbone started to hurt. By the time I left there it was pounding and I didn't know why. A year ago I fell on it on a cement patio and this is what it was starting to feel like. By the end of the evening, I felt like someone had hit it with a sledge hammer and I was getting a fever. I went to my sister's place to spend the night with her and her family about twenty five miles away. They have been wonderful in the news of all of this going so far as to make me my own bedroom in their home. That night my fever went to 103 and they were wanting to take me to the ER but since I had a new biopsy (under anesthesia) scheduled for Monday I just put it off. That fever stayed there all weekend and by Monday morning I was in agony.
At the biopsy, they re-hydrated me and gave me IV antibiotics. During the biopsy they looked for an abscess infection but found none. The fever did go away and the pain subsided.
Within a couple days of that I saw the chemo oncologist, and let me just tell you, if you don't have the right vibe with your doctors, go find another one until you do. While I'm sure this lady has served people well, I didn't feel right from the moment I walked into her office till the moment I walked out. And thanks to my brother in law's urging I went to a second place and found an oncologist that I have since given over control of the reigns and she has been brilliant.
I had also been sent to see the radiology oncologist and he was pretty cool. He was this really tall, Russian guy and he didn't pull any punches, which really works for me, he was the one however that delivered the news that my little case of anal cancer was actually Stage 4, and it had moved to the lymph system, the liver and possibly the lungs.
So I've been dealing with all kinds of news over a very short time. What a head trip. And then after looking at other's stories, I don't even know why I am going to try to fight this thing but I am. Maybe my experience will help someone else at least get another perspective on what is happening.
I don't think I am the best writer in town, but I will try to blog as often as I can as I progress with this thing. I'm sure there will be days I won't be able to do it. My biggest hope is that I make it to the other side. As it stands now, it seems grim and bleak to me, it seems that statistically I have a 6-20% survival rate but for now I am not going to let that stop me.
I have since had two more CT/PET scans and got a total of 3 tattoos on my pelvis as markers for the radiation. Last Monday I had a surgery to implant this thing called a portacath into my chest so they can more easily pour the chemo poison into me. It makes me feel like Frankenstein, but I guess because it goes directly into my aortic vein, my other veins won't collapse so easily. I am suppose to go have two more biopsies on Monday, and I think we are starting the chemo and radiation on Wednesday.
I won't deny that I am really scared, but I don't really have any other options on this one so I am just going in head first, so to speak, and hope I make it to the other side intact enough to reconstruct a life that is in someway worth living and rewarding. And let me apologize in advance, I have kept my language to clean so far as per my mom's request, but I know that I have a mouth like a trucker and there will be bad days where that may come out. For that I am sorry but I just don't think it will be healthy to hold in the anger any more.
So welcome to my blog. The nightmare blog for me but here's hoping it will help someone else who may be facing this too...
Saturday, July 6, 2013
June 21st, 2013
Well this is my first blog, so let me tell you a little bit about me. I was born under the name Frank but you can just call me CG. I'm a guy living in Los Angeles who just had his whole life taken away from him or at least that is how I am feeling right now. I am currently sitting inside Cedars Sinai medical center waiting to get a CT/PET scan to determine just how far the cancer has spread, that is mind you the cancer that a week ago I didn't know I even had. Yes you probably detect a little bitterness there, I suppose that is normal when one gets a cancer diagnosis. What makes me mad though is that two months ago I went into my doctor's office to find out why I had swollen lymph nodes in my left groin area. My doc couldn't really determine the cause but thought since I am HIV positive that they might be swollen on a regular basis and I just hadn't noticed.
Oops, they are calling me so I will continue later.
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